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Online Dating Tips & Advice | |
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What are You Looking For
Without getting too specific, it's fairly easy to categorize what people are
looking for when they try online dating. There are three specific categories
of dating services and nearly everyone is looking for one or more of them.
They are friendship, love and sex.
FriendShip
If you're looking for a friend, ask yourself what you want a friend for. Do you
want to share a particular activity you both like with them, or do you want someone
to talk to? If it's the former, you'll be wanting someone who lives in or near
to your area; if the latter, it doesn't really matter where they are, so long
as they're online at around the same time you are, so that you can communicate
with them through whatever method you choose.
Love
Love is defined
as 'a long term committed emotional relationship of some description' - is this
what you're after? If you're not, never fear. You didn't waste your money - a
lot
of the advice in the pages that follow will hold good for friendships and sex
relationships.
Most online dating sites are set up for this particular purpose - indeed, there
are some that only think in terms of potential spouses for their
clients, although they all do this on a more or less subliminal level.
Sex
A lot of people online are really just looking for sex - and not all of them
have the courtesy to go to the sites which are just about sex. You may find yourself
receiving any number of indecent proposals whether you want to or not - especially
if you're female.
Not only that, but a large proportion of those interested only
in sex are looking not just to get laid, but to be unfaithful doing it. Whether
or not you want it be involved in such a thing is entirely upon your own judgment.
Not that any of the above are are totally independent of course. There's considerable
overlap - maybe you're the kind of person who likes to let a friendship blossom
into love, or maybe you want to find your soul mate, but you're not averse to
making some new friends along the way. And although there are love matches where
there isn't a sexual component, they're definitely in the minority.
Looking a Little Deeper
Ask nearly anyone what they'd look for in a partner, and they'll rattle off a
list so familiar that it's become a cliche: kindness, intelligence, sense
of humor, fidelity and so on. But it's worth digging a little deeper to figure
out what else you want. There are other things that can be just as important,
but because they're less commonly thought about, they're good tests of potential
mates.
How well do they get along with their family, and how much care do they
expect to take of their parents in the years to come? How much personal space
do they need, and how much are they prepared to let you have? How autonomous
are they... completely independent, utterly dependent, or somewhere in between?
Conversely, the same is true of more negative traits.. the things that you're
explicitly not looking for in a partner. The standard list includes things like
anger, jealousy, drug addiction, greed, dishonesty and the like. But what about
less crucial but potentially just as annoying traits, like how they think the
housework should be divided up, or how the% like to organize your collective
incomes?
What about compulsive gossips or flirts? Or just a garden variety manic-depressive?
This is, generally, not the sort of stuff you need to put into your profile,
and nor are you likely to find it in anyone else's profile. But it can be very
important to the long-term viability of your relationship, and it's the kind
of thing you want to have answered in the 'getting to know you' phase, ideally
before you actually meet in person. The more thought you put into this, the smoother
your search for true love will run.
Soon...Online
Dating Etiquette
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